I went on a fast from my Lover at the beginning of the month. It is 18 days in and I have decided I can no longer be separated energetically from him anymore. However in that three weeks we were both very mindful of our energies connected and unconnected to each other, we both learned a tremendous amount about boundaries and keeping our own energy clear.
The connection between twin flames is crazy.
I can feel so much of what is going on for him even the stuff that he would rather me not know and it is those true real feelings of his that hurt me so deeply sometimes. I have a few insecurities around romantic relationships, I cant hold him responsible for my feelings in this, but him blocking me from those feelings of his that invoke the lesser feelings in me, is a good practice to get into. Two empaths falling in love, it's almost a prerequisite if you are to go anywhere together.
Now that he has had time to look into his own energy he too has come to some pretty great realizations over how my energy effects him as well.
I think it is very easy for twin flames to get so wrapped up in their combined energy that they risk losing the real purpose behind the union in the first place. And that is not to get lost in each other but to empower the other to move forward at a more exhilarated rate on ones own life path. Now I am certain my life path is becoming Mr. Beautiful Crazy's path. We are walking in the same direction and want the same things out of life, so naturally we are creating a shared vision. but where the getting lost comes into play is when we both want to sit and fantasize and revel in the glory of what we could create instead of moving forward and applying the 'work' to make it happen.
That is why I needed to cut energetic ties for the month. I needed to get my energy levels back up and ground into my personal purpose and feelings for myself. I was losing them in light of how great Mr. Beautiful Crazy felt to me. And he was losing the same pieces of himself on his side.
Now that I have been in my own energy for three weeks I feel like I am missing him to much to deny. At first the feelings were pretty obsessive in nature. As a drug addict mentality base for me that is a pretty scary feeling to think he is nothing more then an obsession for me. So that first week was refreshing to be free from that energy it was also very saddening to think that was all he was too me, an addiction.
The second week brought about this deep deep deep desire to be near him. Not so much sexually, but to be close to him. I fantasized marrying him and loved the fantasy so much. I have obviously dreamed of my great big wedding that I never had with my husband but I usually cut those dreams off quickly as its not really my true desire to walk that path. However the more I allowed myself to go into the vision with Mr. the more in love and happy I felt. So that whole week I allowed my fantasies to run wild.
And they were truly great. I was truly happy in them. I could create that with him if that was the path he wanted to explore. I have never been willing to go there since leaving my Ex. I can feel the growth within me.
So this week I have allowed the universe..... My higher power to just guide me where I need to be.
I dont feel like him and I are two halves of a whole, but I do feel with him in my life I get so much more accomplished. That is of course when I hold my boundaries and when I keep my energy clear and free of toxins that I see now actually hurt both of us and through this experiment he too has come to understand energy on a new level and how he must keep his side of the street clean as well if we are to move forward on our combined mission together.
Twins must ground and stay authentic to themselves.
Twins must stay present with the patterns and the old beliefs that come up to the surface of the relationship. These patterns must be cleared in order for the path to continue to wind along side each other. When I go into seclusion (as this was not the first time I have cut energy with him)it is because my path is winding away from his or vice versa. Seclusion is my connection to my god to get guidance whether that separate path is a better one or both of us, or not.
It takes strength to be able to walk away from a loved one if you know that they are going to better for it. I can only gather that strength if I know for certain what direction to take, and I can only find that certainty by grounding into myself and my own destiny separate from my twins.
I know now where I need to go and what needs to happen in order to achieve my dreams... and I am certain it is along side of one of the most beautiful men I have ever had the lucky chance of meeting and falling in love with.
Follow The White Rabbit...