Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Ramblings of a Confused Twin

There are more times then not that I am completely amazed at how my own story takes dips and turns that I never realized it would take.  That is yet again the case here.

Some of my posts are very creative and cryptic, flowery and theatrical.  Other posts are very serious and full of letting go and healing old wounds.  And yet other writings are more explanations to myself at what has occurred, reflections for me to chew on.   That is the case with this writing.

Another wolf tried to take a nice chunk out of me recently.  

In the beginning when a sexual healing has occurred the wolves are very obvious and not at all graceful in their attacks.  Desperately wanting the scent you are putting out, of a new born flower blooming and ready for the taking.  But as you survive these wolves and your fruit ripens the wolves get smarter, sneakier and much more graceful.

The knight riding up on the ancient Steed, whom I have since removed all traces of in this story was indeed a wolf and not a knight.  It was the wolf in sweet sweet grandma's clothes.   Unfortunate, but not damaged by his sharp teeth, thankfully.

As I round the ending of the 10 week healing course I have been on, I find I am closing off the last of the stitches to my childhood wounds as well as all the wounds I inflicted upon others as an adult in pain.   Threading the last stitch brings me great awareness of the work I have put into myself and the rewards that are manifesting at lightening speeds.

I am now moving into a career field that I had been running from for several years.  Landscaping.  I love getting my hands dirty and being outdoors and working with nature.  I used to believe I was a healer, and in truth I still am and will end my life as such, but for today I need to move away from the pain of my wounds and into something creative and constructive for my soul.   That indeed is owning my own landscaping business and thriving in the financial arena.

I am moving into playing the game of life, where up until now I have been hiding myself in the shadows.  Fear of exposure.  Fear of being able to fend off the wolves myself.  I always believed I needed a man to hide my feminine nature in order to thrive in this world.  I see today how ill informed that thought structure was, how detrimental to my growth it was.

It is only when we can bring the masculine nature into ourselves and marry it with the feminine aspects of who we are as women can we then step into our full power and invite our Twin flame to us. 

 Those out there that believe they cannot sustain the energy of the twin flame union only see it as such today because they are not at maturity yet.  When one becomes full of light from their own healing wounds then they know the work and have the humility to step into a twin flame union.

This is where I am entering into now.

My twin soul has been a pivotal part in creating the arena for which I can heal myself.  It is very hard some days not to get stuck in my twin soul and stay safely nestled into the thoughts that this is my comfort and security and there is no more work.  And he is very readily available to facilitate the part of that projection that serves him power and energy.   I sometimes go back and forth whether he is indeed my twin flame and the man I call Merlin did nothing more the ignite me to the concept and thus prepare me for when I was ready to heal.  Or if indeed the twin soul is the one that does prepare you for your twin flame.

Let me define for you what the difference between a twin soul and a twin flame is for me.  I really truly hate labels but it is the only way my mind can function.   

Mr.  Beautiful crazy is my twin Soul.  He is six months older then I and we have had parallel lives.  We were married the same amount of years, had the same amount of kids.  We went to college for the same reasons very close to each other at the exact same time(both born in entirely different places). We lived only a block from each other at very pivotal periods in our lives.  We both have ex's that got our names tattoo'd on their body, we both even had the same type of dogs that we both equally despised.   The similarities in our lives are too many to ignore the greater magic of, nor do I even want to.   This is how I know he is my twin soul.  Like my brother here on earth.  He has no romantic feelings for me, I on the other hand have some tremendous ones for him.   Makes for some terrible heartache for me

Now my twin flame whom I call Merlin, changed the fabric of my existence seven years ago.   The minute him and I connected the magic of my life grew beyond my understanding.  I was having visions and knowing things that I never knew and able to bend time and reality seemed to shift into another realm entirely.   The spiritual acceleration was very very intense for me and he felt the same way and still to this day in our conversations we speak of the incredible magic.   It was him that illicit-ted the separation dream I posted at the very beginning of this blog and it is him that ignited the twin flame concept search for me all those years ago before it was becoming a mainstream thing.

So the question I now struggle with.... did my twin soul come along to mature me for my twin flame?  Or did my twin flame come along to ignite me to attract my twin soul and my twin soul is now the one not ready?

Follow The White Rabbit....


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