I am reading this book about what God said about sex. It has many references to the Bible and where God distinctly spoke about sex in it. There is a part in this book that goes into great detail about the fact, and yes it seemed very matter of fact after I was done the chapter, that when one wishes to take a partner one must give up their mother.
It struck me as Odd when I read it out to Mr. Beautiful Crazy one lazy evening during his last visit.
He didn't find it odd however and has made mention of it several times since hearing about this great concept that was hidden within those Bible pages all these years. Too my Twin being one of those people who was raised within the church this was a revelation.
The more he brings it up to contemplate the more angry I become at my own mother. Why is it that every process or healing I embark on ends with my poor mother being the scape goat for all my negative emotions?
Well I guess this time is probably the real deal and all the times before were the squealing sound escaping the balloon of resentments each time I pulled its lips back tight to let out some of the air. This time there is really no air left in the balloon. I have no more bitterness to spew over the joke that was my childhood. But I do think there is truth to having to let go of that last mother wound in order to fully move into your Godlike self.
It is only through our Goddess selves that we can fully receive our Gods.
So I guess this is the parting post of me and my unfaithful mother.
How does one let go of a part of them that has been with them since before they were brought into this cold sterile world? How does one let go of what feels like is the whole of them, as we are but the likeness of our parents are we not?
How do we shut out the first source of love we had???...... Oh wait scratch that one, there was no love in the room when I was born, but by that one lovely nurse that would hug me tight and sing sweet melodies as I fell asleep in her arms.
Still I am sure you understand the question I am trying to invoke here.
Your mother was your entire source of support for how many years? To branch out physically is one thing. To even branch out spiritually is another... but to branch away emotionally? I dont' even understand the concept and in truth, I do not have a loving mother that this would require great pains to leave. I cannot stand the very air my mother breathes and still to let go of her is nearing impossible.
Why is that?
I believe it is because it is all I know. And even though there is no air left in my balloon it is still a piece of me that gave me comfort, in a sick squealer kind of way. It is hard to let go of the past. It is hard to let go of what has in the past defined us.
And there it is folks, ..............awakening in the moment.....
It is hard to let go of what defines us!!
I have stripped myself bare of all the things I have in the past defined myself by. My career. My Home. My food comforts. My support groups(for cleansing periods). Now it looks like I am stripping away deeper labels and limitations.
I am not an abused girl anymore. Yet when I am with my mom her and I both keep ourselves in that place and as I move away she gets weirder in that holding pattern.
I cannot continue to grow with a partner if I am still playing out my childhood drama's. I cannot move forward because my mother refuses to move forward.... that is what I used to believe it was, but it is not. I cannot move into Mr beautiful Crazies arms or Ancient Steeds embrace if I am still too deeply resonating on the level of victim by my Mothers hold.
I am sure not everyone experiences a shitty upbringing by their narcissistic sociopath mothers, but rightly so, one cannot continue to grow if they are still suckling off their mothers tit. At some point the second umbilical cord needs to be cut away so that you can fly the nest with your new lover into your new life.
To merge with your Twin this is not an option. You must move away from your parents. You do not have an option if you want to reach full enlightened potential with Your twin self who is in full incarnation with you this life. It truly is that simple.
I feel very cold and calculating as I write this because it is such an extremely emotional and personal challenge I have cutting off my mother. She has been feeding on my energy for four decades now.
To cut her off is to watch her freak out until she finds another power source. In truth I believe she already has and it wont be a huge deal... but still my ego likes to think its all that and there will be a bit of kick back I am sure.
This is not the romantic type of post I normally like to share here, but there is a dark side of the moon and it would be ludicrous to think that every moment with your twin will be bliss and glory. Healing and expansion is always a messy process and merging with your twin is no exception to that.
Okay... letting go of my Mother.
I release my Earth Mother from ALL my energy fields, in ALL times. I cut the cords that are attached between our bodies and send loving white light down those tubes to ease the disconnection for her, sedating her until she is ready to heal those cuts. With Love I ask Isis to carry my grief with her into the underworld for Osiris to transmute into New light. And so mote it be. Amen.
Follow the White Rabbit..
For more Divine Healing....