When a person meets their polar opposite, their twin flame connection, the 'one', I believe and is in my experience anyways, that they actually are turned off by that person in the start. Yet...at the precise same moment they are inexplicably drawn to them as well.
That is the way it went down for me and Mr. Beautiful Crazy. There was no forcing, no pushing to make it happen, no bending reality.... it's actually moving along at its own pace regardless of what either one of us thinks or feels about each other or the relationship. And trust me there are times we both dont want it to continue but chugging along at a slow steam engine pace it has.
So why now am I questioning its validity and moving away from it and into the arms of a man I had no idea would come blasting out of my past on his Ancient White Steed to swoop me up into his arms and tell me he has waited long enough for me.
Did I have a man out there in the world that has been waiting for me to realize him, as I have been waiting for My Mr. Beautiful Crazy to realize me? Can we have more then one twin manifestation or are all other connections nothing more then mirages to the desperate soul looking for love?
All these questions and thoughts are floating around in my mind as I feel the wolves are circling around my apartment. Everything feels like its on the cusp just waiting for a move to be made so the plan of attack can play out. All of it hinging on a recent comment made by my Mr. Beautiful Crazy....
"Soon we will be ready to have a talk about the next step...." He said to me lovingly in reference to this intense healing course I have been working through that has cracked me open like and an egg straight into a frying pan.
I have been waiting patiently for this Beautiful, Crazy man to be ready to take the friendship up a notch. And by patiently I mean, two total friends off disconnects in the past two years and a taking on of a lover to fill the needs that he cannot. Soon, may not come soon enough for the progression of this friendship to be smooth and graceful. But then again what ever is smooth in the world of messy feelings?
Moving away from my lover who has sensed this and has increased his presence in my world, I find myself being swept up unexpectedly by a man that has for the past three years held a part of my attention.
Mr. Ancient Steed. My Native American that has been waiting patiently for my acknowledgement.
He has always been a friend, albeit some days a frustrating one as I crushed on him from day one. After three years the dates are just starting to escalate into something more tangible. This has happened but a mere day after Mr. Beautiful Crazy left my home after a four day visit.
As I open myself up through deep wound healing, I see how many men actually want to move in and reap the rewards of the work I have done on myself. But as much as these rewards for me feel amazing..... who doesn't want to be wanted?? For Real. I think the better stance to take is who has been part of the entire healing process? Who is the one I began the healing journey for?
This is the part of the twin flame that is actually a repulsion for us in the beginning. Self healing is never ever an easy path to take. The pain one must walk through to heal old wounds is sometimes too much to bear. The levels one is brought up into is sometimes to overwhelming to the person not used to leveling up. And the sheer volume of new experiences one must articulate is dangerously expansive to the mind.
Some people just do not have the ego strength to go through the changes and clearing necessary to meet their twin flame in this lifetime. To meet your twin flame and integrate with them means clearing all karmic debt this lifetime.... ALL karmic debt. That is a very huge pill to swallow and some people will not be able to choke it down.
The wolves that circle me right now are a reminder of that hard pill to get past my throat.
This last visit with my beloved Beautiful Crazy he didn't touch me or show me very much physical affection, at all. That just about lost me my shit on two occasions over the four days. However I am going through some intense deep healing around sexual trauma... so even though my needs were telling me that for him to touch me was to heal me,,,, in truth he knew in his heart to touch me would be to destroy the healing at this point. His strength and understanding of my situation is what makes him my Twin. He does what he needs to in order to keep me safe and himself pure in my energy.
He has always done that even if he believed in the moment he was doing what he needed to do.... which is the truth of the matter. As long as we are always true to what we fully believe in that moment is the right path for us,... we will never go wrong. Even if the choice hurts our feelings in the moment... there was a reason needed for that hurt to heal something deeper.
I dont know if it was the right choice to allow Mr. Ancient Steed to swoop in to whisk me away to an amazing prolonged incredible love making session and heart connection or if I really had any choice in the matter. I do know today I have no ill feelings other then I miss my Mr. Crazy Beautiful so much it almost hurts. My love for him grows with each experience I have with another man. That is something I have never experienced before.
Falling in love with a man through the love of other men?? It is true that it takes a village to raise a child.... it also takes a village of men to bring one woman to the arms of her God intended lover.
Follow the White Rabbit....
More of Him....