Sunday, June 8, 2014

In Walks My kNight


I could remember the first time I laid eyes on him.

It was an evening where my life was falling apart and coming together all at the same time.  I had just gotten home from the bar.  A bit of a party girl back then.  Three sheets to the wind I realized I had lost my cell phone sometime between girly prepping at my friends apartment and lap dancing the guy at the Country Bar.  Losing my cell phone put me in sheer panic mode, because lets be honest being without my texting connections for any amount of time was devastating concept. Goddess forbid someone important tried to get a hold of me!!!   I hopped on my old lap top desperate for cyber connection, to feel comforted again.

And..... He was there.

On the other end of my Msn nudge of desperation, he was there.  I called him Merlin.  Its not his real name of course, but it is more fitting for this story then the one his beloved, now living in Heaven, mother gave him.

 I was over joyed that he is there.  I was a mess.  He is soothing.  I had been longing to meet him since our first email interactions where he swept me off my computer chair with his witty words of charm and intelligence.  A month had gone by since.   Ignoring the butterflies threatening to fly out of my mouth, I ask him to come over. I really want to meet the person, in person, who has invoked such feelings of excitement in me.  ......Longing. ...... Re-awakened my passion for living.  The man who over the phone and computer has displayed absolutely ever attribute I have ever painted in my perfect man vision.  It is time to see if the energy he portrays matches all he has become in my imagination.

He agree's to come over.

Now the butterflies erupt from my belly and fill the space between the four walls of my kitchen with flutters of nervous excitement.   Rushing around my tiny little apartment I clean up the careless messes of the past week. Socks and underwear on my bathroom floor, wet towel that lies there in its sad wet pile.  Dirty dishes get thrown in the fridge.  My head is spinning and I can barely see, alcohol still cursing me, but scurry around my apartment I did.

Until the breath caught in my throat, through my window, I saw him.

There he was, standing on the sidewalk along the street out in front of my yellow Victorian apartment.  I stopped and tried to catch my breath.  Time did that whole freeze thing as we locked eyes and were both transported into a dimension not of either of our understandings.  I wondered if he was feeling this too.

As I observed him, my lungs slowly let out a deep sigh of appreciation.  He was tall, dark and handsome.  Such a cliche, but damn this man was fine with a capital F.     Fuck, I was in trouble.  Men of this quality always had a way of leading me down dark paths.  I could see his Spanish mother in him, his deep tanned colored skin blended with the back drop of the night.  The German of his father pierced out of his serious eyes.  He stood there with authority, I could tell this man was very rarely trifled with.  Such a strong character compared to the sweet emails and phone calls they had exchanged.

My adrenaline was pumping and my excitement mounting.

Quickly I rushed down the three flights of stairs to the front door, before I lost my courage and hid under my bed instead.  In my rush to get the apartment ready for company I had forgotten to check myself in the mirror.  Suddenly becoming acutely aware with each descending foot fall that I was still in my bar star clothes.   I ran my hands over my hand-me-down baby Phat fitted grey denim dress, hoping the sleeveless low back cut was not to trampy and that there hadn't been anything spilled on it over the course of the evening.  Or worse hopefully I hadn't sat in anything.   My panic over what I looked like began to take hold and I almost turned back around up the stairs to go look in my mirror,

Except it was too late.   I was already at the front door and he was standing on the other side of it admiring at me through the small window.

Another dead stop in time.  I froze, mid step.   Locking eyes, I drank in the moment as if wanting to savor every single second.  It was surely the strangest feeling I had ever had with another human being.  I just could not seem to get enough of this man before I even fully met him physically.


 Maybe I knew then it was the beginning of the end.

Finally I pulled myself away from his magnetic gaze to open the door and let him through the threshold.  As he crossed to my side I could smell his deep musk and felt the tingling vibrations of his energy.  His smile was light and inviting, his eye's warm and swimming.  "Good Evening"  He charmed.  I was elated that his speech matched his emails.  This was the man I had hoped he would be and more.... I was soon too learn, oh.. so much more.

I turned and lead the way up to my apartment.  The longest three flights of stairs, ever!  I could feel his Spirit drinking in my body.  I almost could feel his eyes running through my shoulder length brown hair, which.... omg!  I hadn't even brushed!!  I could feel his breath caressing my bare back and his smile warm my legs.  The entirety of my body was pulsing with his energetic caresses, feeling faint I considered what would happen if this man kissed me, I would surely pass out!   I heard his giggle under his breath as he pointed out the broken heel on my black thigh high boots.  Shit!  I must have snapped it running like a banshee down the steps.   I didn't even want to know what my make up looked like.

Its too late now anyways he has seen me at my finest.  I should have been feeling deflated and maybe even embarrassed by now, but I wasn't.  Feeling vulnerable and exposed instead,  it felt new and exciting.  This man brought out these layered emotions in me, I could not describe it even if I had tried.  All the things that would make me feel awkward before made me feel empowered and special somehow.

Well that is,  Until in my apartment he stepped on a piece of lettuce that had fallen out of my donair I had wolfed down when I got home from the bar.  Ugh.  Now I was embarrassed.  Mildly.  To focused  on the fine specimen of a man in my apartment, everything else easily slipped from my worry meter.

Becoming aware of the fact that I had just invited him up into my sparsely furnished apartment, the worry meter kicked in after all.  A bachelor suit in the attic of a 100 year old home in the shadiest part of the city.  A moment of concern, self pity and doubt invaded my mind.  Like a dementor from a Harry Potter Movie, sucking all my happiness away.  I began to second guess my decision to invite him over.

This was all so new for me, I didnt know how to date or what the etiquette or protocol was for situation likes this.  Married at 17 for fifteen years, I was way out of my comfort zone.   New to single life, I didn't know what to do next.

He did.

He sat down on the only furniture I had, a kitchen table and two miss matched chairs, and easily started talking.

He was just like his emails.  Soon my nerves began to settle and I joined him in conversation.  We naturally picked up where we left off with the written words and we continued late into the night.

We talked about all things magical, whimsical, mythical and fantastical.  He shared his life story of growing up in Mexico, losing his mother at the ripe age of 8 and being born on a German plane landed on Mexican soil.  I sat attentive and mesmerized by his story telling capabilities, I was captivated by his accent.  This man could not be more interesting and exotic to me.  He was everything I was not, he had an eventful life.  He reminded her of Forrest Gump in his travels and adventures. I was melting into a pool of comfort, safety and peace as he lavished me with wisdom and charm. I in turn bantered the ball back with a new sense of female flirty confidence.  I simply loved conversation with him.

Dreamily I fell into his cosmic energy.

And this is where I wished I had stayed.

Follow the White Rabbit...

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