Saturday, May 31, 2014

Prelude: The Beginning of the End

He found himself traveling the world.

He was on a genealogy quest, hunting the globe for long lost family members. Family was of the utmost importance to him.  After his mother moved on from this world when he was still a boy, his family scattered to their own private cocoons of comfort. To the farthest corners of the planet.   Now that he was a man, he desired to bring them back together again.

Fueled as well with an insatiable desire to drink in all the worlds cultures on his quest, he enjoyed his travels. 101 countries and still collecting stamps, his desires took him from Mexico, to Germany, to Spain; around the globe he trotted.

Living off the land, stumbling upon some amazing experiences and taking random jobs here and there, he experienced both sides of life. There were times where he went weeks without food and had only the rats to keep him company deep in the sewers of the richest country's.  Yet, there were also times when he was magically embraced in the highest of a society and deemed untouchable, a society that allowed him the luxury of living in a mansion with his own servants and driving a Jag.

Through out all the countries, all the levels of wealth, he never got caught up in situations that could possibly tie him down.   He never allowed himself to get attached to material objects or people. Always the lone wolf, he preferred it that way.  He had one focus only, find his brother and re-unite him with his father.  Family.

 However, one girl did catch his attention.

That was ten years ago, and that door was tightly shut now. He didn't want to discuss it, all that was needed to know was,  He found love and he choose to leave love. No drama, no regrets, no lessons to learn. It was fun while it was there and the memory is enough, but it was his memory and only his. He will never share that. That was long ago and there has been no one since.  He liked himself better, alone.

China, Indonesia and Saudi Arabia. Meeting amazing people and making life long acquaintances.  A smart man he knew that when life throws you curve balls you need friends in high places and as well in low ones.  You could say he was a master of disguise.  He could roll with any crowd, and did. He did create some enemies along the way though, big ones.  The kind of nemesis that throw you those curve balls.

 However, there is no where in this world that he is not welcomed. Contemplating this, he finds himself feeling alone.

Something is stirring with him.

The life of a nomad is what he chooses for himself. It suits him. He can go where he wants, when he wants with no one to answer to. Nothing holding him back, nothing confining him. He is a strange character, not willing to share himself with anyone. He keeps everyone at arms length and is always watching over his back. Protection of ones’ self is his key concern in life, but suddenly as if out of no where he longs for something. Something deep within him is calling out and he cannot hear what it is, or maybe he is refusing to listen.

Pushing it to the side he goes on with his search.

Over the ocean to the United States he travels, moving north he finds himself in the cold white tundra. Upon arriving in this country he found out quickly that it was a dead end for his family search. There was no more world to search, his brother does not want to be found. Time to turn around and head home. Back to his father who needs him.

Yet, something is pulling at him.

Always one to trust his hunches, He finds himself tied to the earth in this specific town, in this beautiful abundant country. Maybe he will stay for a bit.

As with every other country, he found himself a job very quickly and began making acquaintances.  It looked like in this country it would be a high life for him.  He liked it.

But.....There was still that lingering feeling like a bad stench that wont go away, something was missing. Or something that he was missing.  He found it increasingly gnawing at him.

After a year of working, networking and exploring the wintry countryside, he found himself questioning what he was doing here?   What was he waiting for?  He went with his hunch and stayed, but it has been over a year and nothing is happening.  Life has become mundane and he has become restless. News of his fathers ailing health solidifies the decision to move on.   He bought a plane ticket home, he will be home for Christmas and he will settle down.

He will stop searching.


She was 15 years deep into her marriage when she realized she was miserable.

Her husband was a wonderful father to their three children, he was a good provider and her best friend. A perfect man some would say, and she was certain a few of her friends harbored secret crushes on him, which always made her smile. She lived a good, middle class life; a life she and her husband had worked very hard to build. Three beautiful well rounded kids, a welcoming home, decent vehicles and a beloved dog and a parrot named Sam. Who would complain about that? She had the fairy-tale life. However, when her friends commented about how wonderful her relationship with her husband was, a small part of her died inside.

She worked long hours, helping people made her feel better. When she wasn't working she found herself at the bar lavishing in the attention from sexy men. It was not the excitement of this taboo behavior she craved, but going home to her drab, monotonous life kept her going back for the alternate attention. At work however, she found herself moving up the corporate ladder quickly. Moving up the ladder meant promotions and moves to other cities.

A move to a new city! This was it, this was her answer. To bring the passion and spice back to her relationship, this move, the new city, will bring the thrill and spark back and help mend the tears in the marriage. With excitement she accepted the promotion, and suddenly her mind moved to all the wonderful things this meant. New fresh romance, passion, new things to experience together as a couple in a new city, maybe new things to share and more to gain in common! Yes, she thanked her lucky stars for this opportunity.

The promotion has some sacrifices, however. Six months in another city without her family. At first the thought was unbearable, away from her babies? As she chewed it, it became an opportunity. Being away from her kids meant many things. It gave her husband a chance to taste how hard she worked at home, it also gave her kids a chance to appreciate her. It also gave her a chance to get her act together, maybe being without them will show her how lucky she is. The marriage side of things would surely improve as well, absence makes the heart grow fonder! This is exactly what her marriage needed. A break. This is exactly what she needed. A break.

For six months she worked, ate and slept. She was back in her old home town and found herself visiting old friends and going out quite a bit. At first she found the freedom to be exciting and fun, but after a couple of weeks she wanted to go home. This was not fun, this was not what she wanted. Yes, here was her revelation, this was exactly what she needed to remind her of how much she loved her family. She spent the next five months fantasizing about all the great things her and her husband would do now, all the things they would have in common. The heights of passion they were about to embark on kept her going on those long lonely days.

Another transfer to a brand new city brought her back into her families arms. In a new city, back with some old friends who had also relocated there, great jobs. Perfection?

Once her children were settled into there new rooms that first night, she found herself in her husbands arms. The familiar feel of his biceps was very welcoming. As her husband went to kiss her however, a sensation of revolt so strong came across her, that the kiss ended abruptly.

It felt like she had just French kissed her brother! What was going on? Ignoring it she went back to the kiss and endured it in silence. Later that evening, her husband began to catch on that something was not right between them. He desperately sought out her eyes for the answers, and she knew she had to face the facts.

Looking into her husbands concerned face she assured him everything would be okay. She knew it was a lie, but she did not know what else to say. It was at that moment she realized her marriage was over and there was nothing more she could do to save it. She knew now that the attempt to save it by moving was a feeble last avoidance of the truth.  She just didn't love him.  She felt crushed.  

She decided she will wait till after Christmas to break the news.  She could hang on for a couple more months for the kids....

or so she thought.  

With just two months until Christmas, she has this uncontrollable urge to end it now. She felt like she was beginning to slowly suffocate. Anxiety began to build.   She cant wait.

She cannot describe it, nor understands it, but she knows she cannot argue with it. It's Panic. It is too strong. She tries to ignore it, but each day the need gets stronger.  Like a wave trying to get her attention.... washing over her, and again and again.  

She needs out  Now or she is going to drown. 

 Upon getting off work one day she finds herself on auto pilot. Driving home she knows what she is about to do, and there is nothing that can be done to stop it at this point. In to the house she walks, straight towards her husband. Standing before him, completely void of emotion she asks for a divorce.

Two months before Christmas she finds herself scared, single and alone. Completely unsure of why all the urgency......

Follow the White Rabbit.....

More of Him...


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